As the mundane history lessons that many of us received in our youth concentrated excessively on the mundane, many of the nobles of our fair society (HUZZAH!), have been left with a confused picture of medieval history. In order to add to the confusion, I have provided for your pleasure a brief synopsis of one of the less rational events in mediaeval history: the War of the Roses.

In the mid 15th century, the English regent, John, duke of Bedford, brought the hundred years war to a successful conclusion by allowing the French to take France (thus introducing some badly needed common sense into 15th century political geography). This freed the English to fight the only foe truly worthy of their steel - the English. This in turn left the rest of Europe free to renaisse to their hearts content.

Following John’s regency a new king, Henry VI, was crowned (HUZZAH!). A thoroughly nice, peace loving and honourable man, Henry VI was obviously unfit to rule. Moreover, as his opponents pointed out, any member of the Plantagenet family who wasn’t a bastard was undoubtedly illegitimate. Therefore, on the advice of Neville, earl of Warwick, Henry’s cousin, Richard, duke of York, declared himself king (HUZZAH!) on the grounds that either his grandfather or his great grandfather was the third son of Edward III. King Henry VI disagreed on the grounds that he was King Henry VI. War seemed inevitable.

The nobility was delighted at the prospect of the first decent war for months. They promptly picked sides and proceeded to rape, pillage and plunder in all directions. Those that supported Richard took the white rose as their badge and those that supported Henry took the red rose. Most of them forgot to consult either Richard or Henry.

Why were roses chosen as the symbols of the two factions? Consider the rose: pricks for the most part but dressed in beautiful clothes and adorned with exotic scents. Consider the English nobility...

The situation deteriorated rapidly. Henry abdicated in favour of Richard to avert war. Henry’s wife, Margaret of Anjou, declared war to avert Richard. Henry de-abdicated and re-armed to avert both of them. Various battles were fought in various places. Henry & Margaret generally lost but Richard was the first to die. Therefore, Richard’s supporters crowned his son, Edward, King Edward IV (HUZZAH!).

Then on the advice of Neville, earl of Warwick, Henry had another go. His fortunes improved and he was recrowned Henry VI (HUZZAH!). Neville then rejoined Edward’s side. Edward overthrew Henry and was, yet again, Edward IV (HUZZAH!). The two kings and various lesser royals chased each other around the countryside for a bit and some of the nobility got into the act. The duke of Beaufort volunteered to be king if anyone wanted him and Thomas Mowbray, duke of Norfolk, toured the country looking smug and pointing out that HIS grandfather had warned King Richard II YEARS AGO that this would happen but NO ONE had listened ...

Eventually, even Neville grew tired of the chaos and Edward IV was confirmed as king (HUZZAH or else!) as he had killed or imprisoned all his rivals, heirs and successors, except for his two young sons and his brothers Clarence, duke of George and Richard, duke of Gloucester. After Edward IV was crowned for the last time, he executed Clarence and then promptly died, rapidly followed by the two young princes, one of whom survived just long enough to be King Edward V (HUZZAH! *oops*). Richard, the only surviving Plantagenet, was crowned King Richard III by default (HUZZAH?).

This brought the war of the roses to an end and everyone lived happily ever after. Well, for a few years at any rate until, on the advice of Neville, earl of Warwick, Henry Tudor...

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